Java with Juli: #528 The 3 Superpowers Your Sex Life is Missing
Full Transcript
When I do marriage events, we often have an anonymous Q&A, and without fail, we get questions about “can we do this in the bedroom?” And I’ll let you use your imagination to fill in the blank there of what people want to know. But the larger question is “what’s okay in the bedroom for a Christian couple?” And instead of going down a list of saying, you can do this, you can’t do this, what I think is more helpful is to give you some guidelines to think through for you and your spouse in order to decide if a certain behavior is okay for you to enjoy within a Christian marriage, and sexual relationship.
So I’m going to give you three questions to ask. Alright?
So the first question you want to ask is, did God say no? You know, there are some very specific acts that the Bible says that these are outside of God’s boundaries for sexual intimacy. And those things probably wouldn’t surprise you. Things like prostitution and orgies and, things like lustful thinking towards somebody who is not your spouse. And so those things are off limits. But a lot of the things that people are asking about, can I do this with my spouse, are actually never mentioned in the Bible. And so you’re kind of scratching your head like, God never said yes, God never said no.
And so I would encourage you to ask a second question. And that question is, is this good for us? You know, the Apostle Paul, when he was doing a Q&A with the Corinthian Church, way back in the early church time, they were asking him lots of questions about Christian living, and he kind of gave them this principle. He said, all things are available to you, but not all things are good for you. Not everything that you choose to do is going to be loving. Not everything you do will build each other up. And I would encourage you to have that same framework when it comes to your sexual relationship within marriage. There are some sexual acts that aren’t sinful for you to do, but frankly, they’re just not edifying. They may be harmful for your body. For example, anal sex. You know, a lot of doctors would say that’s just not healthy for your body. Or, take for example, oral sex. There are some couples who would say, this is really good for us as part of our lovemaking, but there are other couples who would say that this is triggering. It brings up trauma from the past. This is not something that’s good for us. And so you have to use communication and judgment to really say, is this specific act something that builds love in our relationship? Or something that takes away from love?
And then the third question is very important. And that question is, is it only us? You see God designed sex to be a celebration of your covenant, just you and your spouse. And anytime we involve somebody else in that covenant, we’re really going against what God designed sex for. And that includes not just in the flesh, but also includes in your imagination or watching pornography together or fantasizing about anyone else being in your sexual relationship. So God wants this to be a celebration with just the two of you. And so you need to ask those three questions: Did God say no? Is it good for us? And is it only us? And if you really ask those questions, you’re going to find that God has given you so many things that you can enjoy over the course of a lifetime. And He wants you to enjoy those things with freedom.
