As the battle for sexual integrity rages on, it’s increasingly obvious that many churches just don’t have the knowledge or resources they need to assist those struggling with sexual sin.
We’ve all seen or heard about pastors who stepped down after an affair was discovered. Or maybe even grieved with a friend in ministry who reached out for help after a struggle with pornography, only to be released or terminated on the grounds of sexual misconduct.
What happened for them to get to this point? Did the church respond in a way that left room for repentance and restoration?
Back in July, author Sam Black of Covenant Eyes joined Juli on the podcast to share his experience with how churches handle sexual issues like pornography addiction. He shared a jarring statistic: 57% of pastors and 64% of youth pastors said they struggle with porn currently or have in the past. And about 21% of youth pastors and 5% of senior pastors believe they are addicted to pornography.
With a sexual problem this pervasive in the church, not just among congregants but also among leaders, it’s vital that churches know how to address it.
In his conversation with Juli, Sam raised four points that can help strengthen and equip churches desiring to develop a healthy approach to combating pornography use.
Start discipleship early.
“Teenagers are among the most prolific users of pornography and yet, we have pizza parties and teen camps and teen concerts and all these things. Meanwhile, this hidden secret that parents don’t feel equipped to have a conversation about is undermining our ministry efforts.” – Sam Black, Java with Juli #525
If you are a church leader, start teaching the young people in your congregation about God’s vision for all of life, including sexuality. Talk about God’s design of sex for marriage. Talk about the redemption offered through the cross. Talk about forgiveness and new mercy. Talk about loneliness. Talk about the beauty of walking in the light with other believers.
You’ll also need to talk to parents. Inform them about what their kids may be facing, and encourage them to stay curious, ask questions, and be actively involved in their kids’ lives. It’s more than likely that most of today’s young children will be exposed to pornography, either voluntarily or involuntarily, and if it happens parents are going to want to be able to counsel their children well.
Axis.org is a great resource we recommend to parents of teens. The Birds and the Bees is another resource parents can use as they talk to their young children about sex.
Look at church staff holistically.
While the standard is high for those of us serving in ministry, it doesn’t mean we are any less broken. All humanity can struggle with pride, have judgmental hearts or find themselves unwilling to forgive. These sins may be less visible, but they are sins all the same.
Much of our sexual sin comes out of our woundedness. And even people who love the Lord and long to serve Him with their lives can be wounded. If those wounds aren’t addressed sin is likely to pour out.
If you’re a church leader hiring a new staff member, remember that they are more than the sum of their qualifications or experience. Ask probing questions. Do your best to ascertain all the aspects of their health and establish if they might need support in certain areas.
Even if you decide not to hire, remember that you work as part of God’s family, not for a business. Seek to make them aware of God’s love for them and His desire for them to live life in His freedom and joy.
Create an environment of integrity.
Whether you’re a church leader or simply a congregant in a small group, all of us as believers have a part to play in creating an environment where integrity is welcomed and all repentant sinners are works in progress.
How will you make others feel safe enough to be honest about their areas of struggle? What will your response be when you hear others talk about their sin?
At AI, we regularly tell parents to practice their “not shocked” faces. Practice yours!
Have a process for recovery and restoration.
When leaders or congregants come clean about sexual sin, or when that sin is discovered, have a process ready to help them.
Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”
Your role as a ministry leader is to prayerfully consider what steps can be taken to help this brother or sister reconcile with God, repent from their sin, and begin again with Jesus, whether inside or outside of ministry.
The Bible tells us that all of us have sinned and fallen short. All sin has consequences, and all sin has been forgiven through Jesus’ death on the cross. Ask the Lord what He wants you to do to help your brothers and sisters as they struggle to live lives of sexual integrity that honor Him.
Additional Resources:
Java with Juli: #525 Churches and Porn: What isn’t Working and How to Change it
Java with Juli: #524 Her Freedom Journey: A Powerful New Book Helping Women Overcome Porn And Sexual Shame
Ministries helping people beat porn addiction:
