We live in a culture that tries to ignore and erase shame. While some shame is toxic (like shame from things people have done to us), shame can also be a warning light for us to address sexual sin in our lives. The Bible tells us that sin has a devastating effect on our souls, and sexual sin is no exception. In fact, the Bible also says the sins we commit sexually are sins against our own bodies.
Now while this is true, it’s important for us to remember that the Bible doesn’t say sexual sin is any less forgivable than other sins.
We have a tendency to emphasize certain types of sin and excuse others, but God does not. God calls all sin, sin, and He states that all sin has consequences, on others and ourselves. The good news is that Jesus’ death and resurrection mean sin no longer has the final word. Here are three things to remember when it comes to shame and sexual sin:
Remember we have been separated from our sin.
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12. Do you believe this truth?
Jesus died so that we might be free from the consequences of sin, including our shame. When we trust in Christ’s death on the cross and confess our sins to Him, we are no longer under the shame of our sin.
Paul wrote that Christ nailed the record of debt that stood against us to the cross and that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Jesus’ death means that we are not the sins we have committed, even if those sins were committed as recently as this morning. His mercies are new, not just every morning, but every moment!
All of us have sinned in one way or another and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23), but in much the same way, all of us are restored through Christ’s death and resurrection.
When God looks at you, He doesn’t see your sexual sin. He sees perfection bought by His Son, Jesus.
You are no longer considered guilty. You are forgiven, and you are free!
Remember that there is a difference between condemnation and conviction.
Separation from our sin means we are no longer under condemnation. Romans 8:1-2 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” Feelings of condemnation—that we are undeserving or are somehow unworthy of God’s love–are not from God or His Spirit.
Conviction is different. When we become Christ-followers, the Holy Spirit begins to reveal and expose the sin in our hearts and lives. This is the Holy Spirit’s job. John 16:13 says, “When the Holy Spirit comes, He will guide you into all truth…” Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Knowing God and growing in maturity in our relationship with Him should rightly lead us to look upon the wrong we have done and recognize that God’s design is much better.
When we read a passage in Scripture and realize we’ve been incorrect in our behavior, that’s the conviction of the Holy Spirit. And when a trusted friend points out a sin pattern in our lives, that’s the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Each time we are confronted with a distance between how we are living or thinking and who God is and what His Word says, the Holy Spirit is the one responsible, exposing in our hearts the places as yet unsurrendered to God. Sanctification cannot take place without the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Conviction can feel like shame and can morph into shame when we continually refuse to confess and address our sin.
Remember God’s desire is to bring us beyond our conviction to repentance.
The Holy Spirit’s job is to bring us to a place of conviction so we can discern what is good and what is evil. But God doesn’t want to leave us there. He longs to bring us beyond conviction to a godly grief that leads us to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10).
When we are confronted with our sin, we have two options: 1) Continue in our sin and ignore the Holy Spirit, or 2) Repent. Continuing in our sin grieves the Holy Spirit and drives a wedge between us and God. When the Holy Spirit convicts us, it’s an invitation to go deeper with God and surrender to His leadership. Resisting the Holy Spirit is a form of rebellion, it’s telling God that we know better than He does.
Repentance accepts God’s invitation to humility and responds to His correction and leadership. It is a complete turning away from where we have been. It doesn’t lead us to respond in our own strength, but instead acknowledges wrongdoing and invites God to do a deeper work of transforming our hearts. The godly grief that comes from conviction propels us to live differently and embrace the life of integrity and holy pursuit that God has called us to. (NOTE: Repentance is a response to our own sin, not the sin of others. If you are experiencing shame due to sexual trauma and abuse, check out this blog.)
Satan would love for us to be paralyzed by shame, believing that our sin is what makes us who we are. That is not the case. God’s forgiveness, grace, and redemption through Jesus Christ declare that we are first His, and our identity is found in Him, not in our sin.
“Jesus stood up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.’”
-John 8:10-11
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