There are some pretty painful things we endure in our short lives on earth, and among the most painful are the wounds we suffer from at the hands of others. You’ve likely heard people say, “Some things are too big to forgive”. You may have also heard the opposite: “You know you have to forgive them”. Which is true? And what does the Bible say about forgiveness and our well-being?
How forgiveness contributes to mental and spiritual well-being
A few years ago I had an insightful conversation with Bruce Wilkinson about forgiveness and why it is so important. Bruce made a point I think many miss: there is a link between the torment we experience and the unforgiveness in our hearts.
Jesus told a parable many Christians are familiar with; a servant in debt has his debts forgiven yet refuses to accept the lesser debt of a fellow servant. As Jesus concludes the parable, He gives His disciples a stark warning.
“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Matthew 18:33-35
Unforgiveness affects us and can manifest in our mental health, emotionally or physically. While we may not be able to trace a clear line from these ailments to specific unforgiven things in our hearts, embracing forgiveness frees us from the torment Jesus warned His disciples about.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness means choosing to pardon someone who has wronged you and releasing any bitterness or desire for revenge, just as God shows us through His forgiveness of our sins in Jesus Christ.
Practically, forgiveness looks like:
- Remembering what God has forgiven you (Isaiah 1:18-19)
- Resting in knowing God carries out His own judgment (Romans 12:19)
- Choosing to forgive, over and over again, if necessary (Matthew 18:21)
Forgiveness is a posture of the heart.
The Bible tells us forgiveness is something we can decide to do. It’s a posture of our hearts that acknowledges both our sin and the sin of others. It requires an ongoing choice. As you do the work of forgiveness, spend time reflecting on God’s goodness, grace, and mercy towards you. Understanding the debt Jesus paid on your behalf will soften your heart towards others.
Forgiveness is not excusing or ignoring an offense.
Forgiveness is not an act of sweeping sin or offense under the rug. Forgiveness begins with acknowledgement that a wrong was committed and in many cases may require that boundaries be put in place to prevent further wrongdoing. Where there has been abuse, it may be necessary to cut off a relationship. Where there has been marital infidelity or betrayal, it may be necessary to stop sexual intimacy for a period and start the relationship anew. Don’t just carry on–do the work of confronting the pain in its entirety so you can avoid bitterness and be able to move on with your life.
While forgiveness often feels unthinkable, be assured that God’s grace abounds to you as you step into it. Ultimately the work of forgiveness will set you free and lay the foundation for the peace God longs for you to experience.
Additional Resources:
Java with Juli: #142: How To Find Peace In Forgiveness (member only)
Book: The Prayer of Jabez: Breaking Through to the Blessed Life by Bruce Wilkinson
