Full Transcript
What do you do if you find that your spouse is annoying you? What if they have this annoying habit that’s just driving you crazy? What do you do if you just feel like you can’t even be in their presence without going nuts?
You know, first of all, let me just say that for a lot of married couples, that’s pretty normal. There are these chemicals in our brain and our bodies when we first fall in love or have a new relationship that make us not notice the things that could drive us crazy, it kind of gives us rose-colored glasses. And that can last anywhere from like six months to 18 months. And so early in a marriage or a relationship with those things start to fade, you can start to notice things that you’re like, man, I never realized this when we were dating. And so take a deep breath and realize that some of that is just the natural process of living with somebody 24/7 and seeing not always their good side to seeing their annoying habits or things that just don’t mesh with you. Well, I think when that happens, another thing you wanna do is you wanna also pay attention to the positive things. You know, we find what we’re looking for. And when you’re in a stage in your relationship where you’re really starting to be annoyed, you stop appreciating the things that are positive.
And so if you’re in that situation, I would encourage you just every day, just write down five things that you love about your spouse, five things that you like about them, and those that tend to outweigh your focus on the annoying habits.
I do think that there’s a time and a place to maybe talk about some of those annoying habits too, though. Like for example, my husband recently started this habit where when we’re eating dinner, he clicks on a glass and that sound drives me crazy. And so I’ve gotten to the point where I told him like, I really don’t like that sound. Can you not do that? And he’s like, oh, sure, I won’t do that. And then when we’re in conversation, he starts to do it again, and all I have to do is click on the glass. And he’s like, oh yeah, stop doing that.
So I think sometimes we can have a natural conversation about it, but I think other times when we’re annoyed by each other, there’s actually something deeper going on. I know I’m much more annoyed with my husband when we’re not in a good space emotionally than I am when we’re really clicking. And so sometimes what you need to do is you need to step back and address the issue. You know, how is the overall health of your relationship? Are there conflicts that you need to talk through? Uh, is there a sense of you feel like your spouse isn’t representing you well? When you get married, you kind of live your identity outside of you. Your spouse represents you. And so they might be doing things in public that make you feel like you don’t look good. And that’s part of becoming one, it’s accepting that your spouse is a different person than you are, and loving them means loving the good and the frustrating and the annoying, and working through this with time. So don’t be freaked out if that’s happening in your marriage, it’s normal, and it’s part of building intimacy in the long run.
