Q&A: How do I Get Past the Shame of Sexual Sin?
Explore additional resources on finding freedom from sexual sin.
Java with Juli: #490 How Do You Go From Being Stuck in Bondage to True Freedom?
Java with Juli: #498 The Surprising Thing You’re Missing In Your Healing Journey
Blog: Sexual Integrity: The Heart of Sexually Discipling Your Kids
Full Transcript
What do I do with the shame I have because of my sexual sin?
You know, in our day and age we see shame is always a horribly negative thing, and it certainly can be. It can be something that cripples you, but I think the first thing we need to ask when it comes to sexual shame, is we need to ask the question, ‘Is my shame telling me the truth about something? Now why is that so critical? Because God gave us the experience of shame to get our attention first and foremost about our sin, about something that’s wrong with us. And there are times where our shame really sheds light on the fact that we’re doing something that’s destructive, or we’re doing something that’s hurting people, or we’re doing something that’s ignoring God. And so when our shame is actually telling the truth that we’re engaging in something that is sinful and wrong, then it should bring us to repentance, and that means bring us to the place where we confess the fact that we’ve been engaging in something that we know is sin, and we want to stop. And the Bible tells us that when we confess our sin, that God not only forgives us our sin, but He cleanses us. He cleans us from all of our unrighteousness. The Bible says that when we fear God, when we come to Him, He separates our sin as far as the east is from the west. That’s pretty far, and so if you continue to have shame after you’ve confessed sin, and you’ve dealt with it, then that really is the enemy speaking to you. It’s Satan. You know the Bible calls Satan, the accuser. He loves to accuse you and convince you that the blood of Jesus Christ isn’t enough to set you free. And so don’t believe him when he says that.
But then often we can have sexual shame about things that aren’t even related to our own sin. I’ve never met a person who was sexually assaulted, who didn’t deal with shame in the aftermath, even though the person who was assaulted had nothing to do with having responsibility for what happened. And so when our shame doesn’t tell the truth, when it blames us for things that we really aren’t responsible for, you really need to call out that lie. And you’re probably going to need somebody to walk that road with you: a counselor a friend, a mentor who understands the grip that shame can have on us, particularly when it’s related to something like sexual trauma. The good news is that God created us to be free from shame: the shame that brings us to repentance, and also the shame that we shouldn’t be carrying at all. And so bring that shame to the Lord. Ask him to tell you the truth, and ask him to expose the lies they keep you stuck in shame.
