Java with Juli: #453 Teens Are Anxious, Sad and Lonely. Here’s How You Can Help (Member exclusive)
Full Transcript
Some parents wonder, how do I not pass my sexual shame down onto my kids?
Well, the first thing I would say is you really can’t hide shame. You know it. See, it comes through in your eye contact and in your body language, and so the most important thing for us to do as parents is to address our shame. And I would say this is not just for parents, it’s for human beings in general. It’s not a healthy thing to walk around with a continual cloud of shame and regret for things that you’ve done in your past, which is the beautiful thing about the message of Christianity. It’s that Jesus died not just to take our sins, but to take our shame upon himself. And the Bible says that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And you might be saying, well, yeah, I understand that in my head, but I still feel the shame about the abortion I had or the sexual relationship I had, or the fact that I cheated on my spouse. And so in order to address that shame, it’s important that you confront it, that you name what you’re ashamed of, that you bring it before God, and if there are people that you need to confess that to, that you take care of that.
Now, why is that so important again? Because even if you’re trying to suppress that shame it, it’s clouding your judgment. It’s coming through as you talk to your own children about their sexuality. And so it’s a journey worth taking. The second thing I would say is don’t try to be somebody you’re not. I think sometimes as parents, we try to project that we did everything right, that we’re perfect and we don’t talk to our kids about the mistakes that we’ve made. And I think that actually in the long run makes us feel more shameful because we know that we’re projecting something that’s not true. Now, I’m not saying that you tell a 5-year-old everything that you’ve done in your sexual past, that would be totally inappropriate. But I do think there are age appropriate ways for us to be transparent with our kids, even to say to a seven or a 10-year-old, “You know, mom didn’t always do things right. Uh, mom made mistakes too, but Jesus covered my mistakes”. You know, that’s something a young child can understand. And as your kids get older, you can flesh some of those out in ways that are appropriate. But we wanna show our children that following God is not about being perfect. It’s about trusting Jesus to cover our sins, to cleanse us from our shame, and to help us walk in freedom.
